yesterday night was horrible.

i have no wish to comment about it. but cixian will understand.

it's just a party. but things just aren't going the way we wanted.

i always tell myself. this gonna be the last birthday party im ever going to do, and yadayadayada.

yet, you will still see me, organising birthday parties again and again, year after year.

it tires me out. seriously. i have had enough with all the plannings, brainstorming, working out a budget, informing people, accepting critisim and the many more unhappy things to come.

but on the night it is finally finished, when you see everyone had enjoyed themselves(especially the birthday girl/boy), all those hardwork and sweats; all those pissed-off moments are forgotten. and then i tell myself: everything's worth this.

so then. i start on the next one; and the cycle repeats itself.

im thinking this is all quite sad actually. that i've been put myself into a never ending cycle.

hence, for now, i shall not make empty promises to myself anymore.
i shall never still organise birthday parties for the years to come.