they tagged, they dedicated entries, they sms-ed, they called.

thank you, my dearest friends.

i don't promise to be well and good overnight.

if i do that, im just being a liar.

but you know. because of you guys, who really do care, i would be fine.




im sorry yuping
im sorry junyang
im sorry alicia
im sorry yizhuang
im sorry yiting
im sorry cixian
im sorry yongbin
im sorry to everyone of you out there who cared.

junyang's right. i never talk to anyone about my problem. i keep everything to myself and wait for it to pile up. until it got so piled up in my heart and it finally got of control, i fall down hard. by the time i bring it up somehow, it became too late. i thought i could handle. i really thought i could. but when it finally dawns on me that, these were too much for me to handle, all i could do is to break down.
thank you for talking sense into me. and letting me realise that there are ppl out there who really will feel the pain when they see me in this state. and i know you are one of them.
sorry to worry you.

yuping: thanks for your call. though of the most of the time we were crying and talking nonsense, i really felt better after the talk. i really do miss you. and then i realised. maybe you missed me loads too. and i felt that you cared. from the bottom of your heart. you cared for me and you 心疼 me for what im going through.
when your world come crashing down on you, so long as you know there are ppl who truly cares, that's enough. i have nothing much to ask for. you are giving me the strength to carry on.

ali and yizhuang: i shouldn't have expected you to know everything even though we were closest. it was me who didn't bring it up. it was me who didn't tell you what happened. you are no god. and you have your life to live too. you have your own problems to face too. who am i to expect you to know everything about me when i didn't even know what is happening to me and i didn't talk to you about it. im sorry to have made you feel sad. i know for now you would be facing enormous amount of stress. but i hope that being with me wouldn't put you in that kind of stress for that would hurt our friendship.
you don't have to blame yourself for anything. you are facing stress from your studies and council elections too. i realised. maybe you are no better than me. for the whole matter, i was to be blamed and not anyone of you. i chose to keep quiet over everything until it gets out of control. i know you care. im sorry.

cixian and yongbin: sorry to add salt to your wound at such an instance. everyone of us have our own problems and unhappiness to go through. i know you are coping too, especially for yongbin. but promise you wouldn't give up. when life hits hard on you, all the more you are hanging on. im fortunate enough. im still able to present my thoughts through words. and when it finally comes out some day, things got through somehow. so if you have any unhappiness, voice it out. i knew that wouldn't be a problem for the both of you. thank you for showing that you care, my friends.
cixian, i remembered our promise.
and yongbin, cheer up and don't give up on anything.

yiting: your sms is enough to jolt me into understanding the fact that i shouldn't be expecting too much from anyone. afterall i shouldn't be making demands and expectations from a friend. they don't owe me anything or have to explain much because, ultimately, we demand nothing more from each other other than pleasant company and an occasional listening ear.
我很想念和你说我生活的点点滴滴的日子。
我很想念有你在身边的日子。
不管怎样。只要知道你还是你，你还是那个很在乎我的你，这样就够了。
谢谢你一直都在。你也要好好保重。


im seriously feeling much better and composed now.
pain-physical and mental-is inevitable and a fact of life.
im stronger than i think, and im never given anything more than i can handle.

im recovering from my cough and flu now.
i still miss those good old secondary times and friends alot but i know it's okay to miss them at times.
im coping fine with my studies now.(i hope)
i would slowly learn how to manage my friendships and make new ones.
i don't feel that lonely now.
im not consistently working non stop already. i have spent the night before talking on the phone.
my grandfather is kind of in stable condition but still in the hospital now.
i know who to talk to, who to go to, who to find solace.(i hope)
i still don't know how to bring it up, how to say everything, how to open my mouth and speak up. but i know how to write.

for now, the sky is clear.