if i tell you im not angry anymore, rest assured. im lying to you.
i am sad and disappointed!
i really felt like a stupid fool you know.

they didn't call. they didn't even sms. they just write in the email and said,
sinting-sorry that you couldn't be part of them.

bloody hell.

i am so very fed up with mdm chok now. =/

i thought everything is settled. the date was supposed to be on 5june. but out of a sudden, the email came as a rude shock to me.

am i that unimportant? if thats the case, don't include me at the very begining! what? you think it's fun? you give me 10million dollars one day and i happily used the money, treated my friends and one fine day you come back to me and say sorry, we have to take that money back. and like a stupid idiotic fool, i have to go around begging for a cash refund and asking my friends to pay up for that bloody dinner that i treated them.

you know how disappointed it is?
i thought it was a dream come true.
i thought i could show grandpa, yes, im really capable! i can do grandpa proud!
but then i realised i was a stupid fool.

i would never forget how happy i was when i received her email asking me back for a photoshot.
and i would never ever forget how sad and disappointed i was when i received her email saying sorry, you can't be part of them anymore.

mummy insisted i stay for the photoshot cos she understands how much i wanted to be up there, how happy i was when i was told the news.
but i wouldn't. it's the 49th day gonggong passed away. i want to be back. there is no need for me to choose. i want to be back, for grandpa.

i felt so sorry. sorry for myself. sorry for mummy. sorry for ms lim. sorry for grandpa. i know they were all as happy as me when i told them the good news.
im really sorry.