so long so long since i last blogged. as usual, should update all at a go if i can recall all the things that had happened.
1) and so, swiss orchestra night 2010 ended with a bang. helped out as alumni yet again, not as a performer but helping out in urshering and ticketing. glad that the sales was quite good by the concert day itself, though it was really worrying and bad few days/weeks before. cx,jm,xh,junda,jk and many other almuni were around to help in one way or the other! had fun with xh and gang and we gave a surprise to the teacher in charges by giving them flowers after the concert. admittedly, those kids in CO are quite good! especially their Jiang Jun Ling-hah. gold piece sial! though there were hiccups here and there, all in all, everything still turn out fine and i guess all the hard work is worth it---once again. but well, guess CO's facing a great crisis(?) now. not sure if im putting it the right way but its not really convenient to say it out here though. so i shall keep this to myself until the right time. hope everything will be alright!
2) registered myself as a YOG volunteer together with yz and hy! awesome! volunteered ourselves as safety assistant and we get to watch olympic matches! how great huh. i mean its really an once in a life time chance/experience right. and im really proud and looking forward to being part of it. yay!
3) and so, finally the closure of university application. yes, i made a decision. made MY decision after hearing so much, researching so much and fretting so much. applied FASS for NUS and PSYCHOLOGY for NTU. there were so much uncertainty and fear for a wrong decision made. the usual interest vs prospects issue and whether im really able to cope, and whether im really suitable for that course, for that place. didnt really have the time to sit down and think through but i guess i shouldnt brood over it too much cos i have really, already made my decision, made up my mind and everything. believe in myself--that's what i have to do now.
4) went back to kedah;alor star during the long weekend for qing ming jie. it was a fantastic trip back. really. i mean first of all, it came as a break for myself, secondly, it was the trip most looked forward to every year. met long distance relatives and reminised gong gong's past with a mixture of laughter and tears, were told stories of gonggong not known to us at all and everyone starts tearing cos we were reminded of him. but still, it was an awesome gathering with relatives whom i don't even know i have, really. and that we are still who we are even though gonggong has left us all. had fun at gonggong popo's house this year too, playing with gonggong's god daughter and the other kids. and we went down to penang, took many photos, ate awesome food, had uncontrollable laughter and spent quality time with my cousins. you know, for many many moments, i just can't help but wished gong gong was around with us. and he would have had been so happy. so so happy to see us all. couldn't imagine how time heals sometimes. i mean it's almost 2 years and i think everyone has become stronger. not that we don't miss gonggong anymore, but we are now keeping those misses in our heart. deep inside our heart. and have slowly accepted the fact that he has to go. he really has to go and he indeed had left us for a better place.
5) had a really bad encounter with my students and that was my first time, stepping out of the class, crying. guess there was a little too much to handle that day hence the breaking point. few of the girls rushed out after me but i was in such a pathetic state that i decided to ignore them and go in straight to the staff room. hy was around and i literally walked to her and broke down crying. it was a bad cry. a bad one really. but the moment i calmed myself down, i regretted my decision to leave the class like that. i mean what's next after making everything so ugly. asked ms lim(btw, that was her form class) and she taught me how to manage and yeah. things get better(?) there are just so many times i wanted to give up teaching but you know, i can't. the moment i took up this responsibility, there's no turning back. i mean, even though im just a relief teacher. i dont think im doing a good job so far cos that's what test results are telling me. sigh.
6) jy got himself into medicine inteview! how awesome! and he's having the written test today. so happy for him, right? i mean that's his dreams! how many of us here could fulil our dreams like him? really hope he could get in, though that will mean i deprived myself of the chance of having a doctor husband. haha. actually sometimes i will think, if we hadn't gone our separate ways 2 years back, he might not be able to be freed of all distractions and do this well for his A's. crappy thoughts to make myself feel better i know. but yeah, am just glad for his achievements so far!
7) guess what?i shared my feelings with yz. everything about me n jy, i told her(because she asked). including the fact that i still couldnt let go of him after so long. she was shocked. i mean everyone will be, right? it's been so long. i don't know why i told her all those. but i guess i was ready. i was ready to tell her cos we have been rather close lately. and i was actually feeling glad now, that i have told her there and then--cos i know i will never find that courage again.
