Tuesday, August 31, 2010/3:16 PM


At times I look at dad from behind. I feel so upset, so upset with myself for not having the courage to tell him how thankful I am for him. He works so hard for the family, be it at home or outside home. He does everything himself. And he never allows us to worry about anything. I couldn't imagine how nobel he is as a father. I wanted to tell him how thankful I felt. But those words never come out. Maybe because we never had that kind of communications. Maybe because I didn't have the courage to. I know I can't measure how much efforts he had put into this family. And I can't measure how much he loved and cared for the family. Cos it's just too much to be counted. He may be untactful at times, may be unreasonable too. But it's just his way of showing his care. I know I never will have that courage to say thank you to my dad. And never the courage to say I loved him so much. But I hope I will someday. Someday when I could pluck enough courage to tell him all these. Thank you, and I love you, dad.

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Sunday, August 29, 2010/2:40 PM


Sept's coming in a few day's time. yet another month has gone by. August, indeed has been a fulfiling month for me. Yog was a blast! that's all i could say about August 2010. will spend some time to update about the games as a memory keepsake! been so busy and caught up with the games. it finally ended, and here i am, blogging tonight. been so long since i thought of those things that were so dear to me. this afternoon, the thought of gonggong suddenly came to mind. and yes, listening to Mariah carey's Bye bye still hurts and i still can't help but let tears flow. you're right. some memories just can't be erased. no matter how long has passed, how much i have went through. some things just can't be forgotten cos they're just simply too dear too precious to us. i don't know why i cried. maybe im scared. im so scared of forgetting so many things. im so scared of forgetting gongong. forgetting our memories. our few precious memories together. forgetting to tell him how are things for me now. forgetting his look. forgetting about him totally.. it's been 2 years. i counted again and again in disbelief. 2 years since he left. how could that be?it doesnt feel so long?then i thought to myself. i realised i still couldnt get over that regret. that regret which will follow me till i leave this world. so painful. so painful. gonggong, i have done well enough for my A's to enter university. i know ure looking after me at heavens. cos i couldn't have had made it without you. school's starting in a few day's time. aren't you proud of me? gonggong, popo has decided to build a new home. construction works have already started. she will now live in a better environment. aren't you relieved to hear that? was that your last wishes? gonggong, jiaxian, your favourite granddaughter has graduated from the unversity! and she's now moving on to a brand new chapter of her life. aren't you happy for her? gonggong, with you, i can no longer make new memories. my memories with you stopped when you left us. but these will be the snapshots that will follow me through. gonggong, i missed you so much. can you hear me?



i don't know why im thinking of all these suddenly. maybe i haven had the time to sit down and reflect. have been going through everything in such a mad rush. have i been happy all these while? really really hope i could just turn back time and go back to the past. but i realised the more i wanted to do that, the more i am scurrying forward. school's starting. after so long. i can't bear to bring myself to another round of studying. i can't bear to see myself as a student again. i can't bear to meet new friends again. i can't bear to enter a new environment again. i can't bear to fall in love and fall out of love again. it's getting so tough. so tough for me to walk on and move ahead in life. so much so that i wanted to just fall back and stay put. to just live on those memories that i have had before and stop forcing myself to make new ones. i missed those simple days in the past. im so tired to follow the crowd, follow blindly. im so tired.
i wished things could turn better. everything will be better.

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010/10:50 AM


The day I dreaded most is finally coming. The moment when hey, he has really moved on and he is on his way of courting another lady and he is going to get hold of her hands soon,just like how he got mine 2 years ago. This could be it but you know, there's still this tinge of feeling in me that hopes this was merely a misunderstanding. A tinge? Probably not too. which leaves me feeling all so pathetic again. I knew all this will come one day. But I didn't expected it now. Right now. When I'm still so attached to these strings of emotions. I know there aren't any reason why he gotta wait. Wait for me to get over. But can he? Just on the account that i was someone he once treasured dearly? What a joke. What a hilarious reason I just gave to myself. I guess I know clearly, no amount of time gonna cut those attachments I had. Cos 2 years worth of time didn't.

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Friday, August 13, 2010/8:22 AM


watched yog torch relay just now at teck whye with much anticipation! okay. im just there alone but who cares!?! it was so darn cool!! took some pictures when the torch finally arrive, with alot of other yog buses and 2 full truck of enthusiatic supporters making so much noise with their whistle and vuvuzela!

as the torch bearer continued their relay, everyone was just cheering them on! i liked that seriously.
students from cck sec lined themselves up against the pavement and cheered so loudly!
it was just a very short relay journey in the hot afternoon. but i could feel it coming. yeah, it's coming!!!!!!
cheers!

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Tuesday, August 10, 2010/8:29 AM


Got a real sweet message from a fren!

One fine day,all of us will get busy with our lives,long working hours,less friends,less meetings,rare calls,no SMS,no more late night chatting,won't have time for ourselves. At such a day, you'll look outside your window and see the good memories flash you by and you'll get a smile with a tear in your eyes and you'll turn back to your work thinking I wish I could go back...

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Saturday, August 7, 2010/9:26 AM


went back to pj to celebrate national day! and to see our beloved mr siraj. pj's celebration was darn cool this year! the students used red and white balloons to form the singapore flag!it was
really prettae~










went over to the hall to enjoy the concert. okay there wasnt a concert to watch, jus a massive sing-along session. so yeah. we sang, hugged and were reminded of the other time we did this with pranesh when we were in J2. he was such a joker man. he wasn't even a singaporean! but we forced him to sing those ndp songs with us loudly and he got so high and led us to running all around the hall! hahahaha. it was so much fun then! :D

and then we went onto the stage to take a picture with siraj. yay!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

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Friday, August 6, 2010/8:42 AM


after much decision making and hesitation, fially made up my mind to only go for the 2D1N psychology FOC. okay i admit, chose that largely because it's only 2D1N and im not really a camp-y person. and i reckon that i wouldn't get to know alot of psych people over at the HSS FOC, so yeah. (anw, guess i think too little of the popularity of HSS foc. asked some frens and apparently they applied and was rejected due to overwhelming response!to think i was still hesitating about sending the application form 2 weeks before the camp :X) anw, thought it was okay. at least i got to know new friends from my OG! though i know they aren't really the kind of friends that i can totally click with. but yeah. gotta try! btw, i almost missed out the camp man. can't believe how blur i was. mixed up the day and dates. phew!

so we were told to meet up at pasir ris mrt in the morning. gathered and we were separated into OGs. coincidentally, my ogl is my sis's friend and i knew her! heh. 6 of us in the group and 2 GLs. okay. so made our way to the aloha loyang chalet. had the usual ice breakers and got to know each other by names and everything. im actually rather surprised with myself. cos i was quite open throughout the ice breakers. maybe im really opening up myself for more new friends? anyway, afterwhich was amazing race. okay. very typical but really can't blame them lah. cos its really a good game to waste time. haha! neeways, travelled too and fro plaza sing. awful! passed by PS almost 4 times in total man. luckily we were always on time for transfers. if not the transport fees really gotta cost a bomb! hmm. we were rather slack thoughout the game so we completed 5 out of 7 stations. thought we were already one of the slackest but who knows there are groups heading back after 3 out of 7 stations? lol. so after everything we took bus 12 back to pasir ris form plazasing. what the shit. 56 bus stops!?!?!?!?! i was totally freaked out when i heard it was 56 stations! siao. but yeah. we took it! good thing it was a comfortable 1.5 hour ride back. after shower and everything, the GLs decided to bring us all to the mac for htht. okay seriously, i wasn't keen. not that i was dog tired but well, i don't know. anw, i still tagged along and we spent most of the time staring into space at mac, until we started playing games. then head back to chalet at 3am. thought could at least take a nap but what the shit. our rooms became like public toilets. everyone jus came in and use our toilets so there was a lot of movements and everything! couldnt sleep for the whole night.

day 2 in the morning was to the Institute of Mental Health(IMH). didn't really expected this arrangement but im quite excited to go over.i mean how many of us would have this chance to go in there! anw, we were brought into certain wards to talk to the patients. reckon that those wards we were brought to, the mental conditions of the patient are rather mild. so there was nothing to be scared about! i mean i wasn't at all intimidated but alot others were rather worried actually. the ward i was brought to seemed like a normal old folk's home to me. so i just chatted with the old patients in hokkien. apparently those ang moh pai psych students dunno how to speak hokkien at all! so they were darn impressed with my fluency in it. heh.
afterwhich was water games/telematch at pasir ris beach. so yeah. got outselves dirty and wet! last event was performance by each group on the theme Mental Wellness. good creativity by all! so thats all for the 2D1N camp! quite okay lah, consider it to be just a 2day1night thing. just some pictures to end off?





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Sunday, August 1, 2010/2:39 PM


/edited version. reckon that it will be a better entry with some pics. so yeah.

yes, can't believe, July is ending. infact, it has ended! another super fast month. indeed, july have been a fulfilling month. or should i say a more fulfilling month! have settled everything for uni admission-tuition grant/bank loan/med check up/bursary,
went back to hometown to welcome cousin's newborn(she's cute!)




done admin work for 5 weeks(im glad im over and done with), met up jieying for her birthday treat(like finally!),
gathering again with some S14 people,



talked hell long with yz about me and junyang,
watched fireworks(twice) at marina square,



movied(despicable me and inception) with yizhuang(for 2 consecutive weeks),met up for shopping with jie, a decent cousins gathering(finally),
went on the singapore flyer(paying just $10 for the tix!),



swimming(been so long since i did that!i missed swimming!!!),
went for the yog opening ceremony rehearsal,






collected my yog volunteer uniforms and acredidation card(im soooo excited for the games!),met up with ms ong at swiss(she's finally back,and had a wonderful catch up session with her) and lastly, have had a better relationship with family finally(definitely more room for improvements). a fulfilling month of july for me? i liked that. i guess it never felt that good to change/evolve. change the way i think/see things and eventually react/respond. i think i am happier. and i am looking forward to the will-be-even-better next month! what's there to look forward to? first, will be meeting jiamin(supaaaa long since we met up!), continue to swim(yay!), psychology foc(2D1N), plan a meet up with ms lim, volunteer for yog(this shall be the climax), watch min's basketball match live at the Scape park(i hope i can make it!), jiji gathering(to celebrate turbo's birthday) and finally the starting of school!
okay, i really can't contain my excitement for yog! can't wait to start my volunteering schedule! hope everything goes well and me and yz will be posted to the Spore Indoor Stadium and we will get to watch badminton and table tennis!

alrights. that's all for now. shall keep this spirit up? :)

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