Sept's coming in a few day's time. yet another month has gone by. August, indeed has been a fulfiling month for me. Yog was a blast! that's all i could say about August 2010. will spend some time to update about the games as a memory keepsake! been so busy and caught up with the games. it finally ended, and here i am, blogging tonight. been so long since i thought of those things that were so dear to me. this afternoon, the thought of gonggong suddenly came to mind. and yes, listening to Mariah carey's Bye bye still hurts and i still can't help but let tears flow. you're right. some memories just can't be erased. no matter how long has passed, how much i have went through. some things just can't be forgotten cos they're just simply too dear too precious to us. i don't know why i cried. maybe im scared. im so scared of forgetting so many things. im so scared of forgetting gongong. forgetting our memories. our few precious memories together. forgetting to tell him how are things for me now. forgetting his look. forgetting about him totally.. it's been 2 years. i counted again and again in disbelief. 2 years since he left. how could that be?it doesnt feel so long?then i thought to myself. i realised i still couldnt get over that regret. that regret which will follow me till i leave this world. so painful. so painful. gonggong, i have done well enough for my A's to enter university. i know ure looking after me at heavens. cos i couldn't have had made it without you. school's starting in a few day's time. aren't you proud of me? gonggong, popo has decided to build a new home. construction works have already started. she will now live in a better environment. aren't you relieved to hear that? was that your last wishes? gonggong, jiaxian, your favourite granddaughter has graduated from the unversity! and she's now moving on to a brand new chapter of her life. aren't you happy for her? gonggong, with you, i can no longer make new memories. my memories with you stopped when you left us. but these will be the snapshots that will follow me through. gonggong, i missed you so much. can you hear me?



i don't know why im thinking of all these suddenly. maybe i haven had the time to sit down and reflect. have been going through everything in such a mad rush. have i been happy all these while? really really hope i could just turn back time and go back to the past. but i realised the more i wanted to do that, the more i am scurrying forward. school's starting. after so long. i can't bear to bring myself to another round of studying. i can't bear to see myself as a student again. i can't bear to meet new friends again. i can't bear to enter a new environment again. i can't bear to fall in love and fall out of love again. it's getting so tough. so tough for me to walk on and move ahead in life. so much so that i wanted to just fall back and stay put. to just live on those memories that i have had before and stop forcing myself to make new ones. i missed those simple days in the past. im so tired to follow the crowd, follow blindly. im so tired.
i wished things could turn better. everything will be better.