how's life so far?
JIJI gathering at Marina barage- fly kite and celebrated turbo's birthday. outing with psych people and surprise birthday celebration for Ivan. freshmen welcome ceremony at NTU. met up with cia. attended the appreciation night at kaysiang. went back to hometown during the hari raya long weekends. started uni life proper. it doesnt sound alot. but feels like a long time had past.
uni life started but doesnt seem to be enjoying it. still struggling with making new friends in the new environment. still struggling to get back onto the track of studying. still struggling to not think about him ever again. yes, not ever again. at times, just can't help but be envious of the kind of life the rest of my friends are leading- happy, happy and still happy. and then i question myself why? why can't i be like them? no answer. can't answer to that. maybe im just different. im just so different from the rest. that i have to always live on past memories. that i have to always hang on to the past. it was supposed to be a good year for me. a great one. one that i had never ever been so happy before. but im jeopardising everything. with the way im living everyday.
i could have just ignored his updates. but i just can't. just can't control myself to check. why? why am i doing this to myself? allowing myself to feel so painful again and again. and it just keeps repeating. everything just keeps repeating itself.
历史不断重演..... 我, 好累. so what if i deleted his past sms-es. so what if i tried to discard those memories physically. because im not mentally, im just stuck right in this piece of shit.

felt like a grumpy old lady now. grumbling about every other thing. im feeling so awful to be feeling all these!