It's Christmas again. Yet another Christmas without him. It happens that christmas never fails to remind me of that first Christmas we get to spend together. He came back from china early without telling me, and surprised me by showing up behind me. Haha. Sweet?
I didn't meant anything when I said all these. I was just reminded. That's all.
You know, I'm already so sick of the two of us. Or maybe I'm already so sick of myself all these while.
You know. It just gets so disappointing. Occasions after occasions. Months after months. Years after years. To realize that I still cannot get over after so long. I don't feel sad anymore. I'm just too disappointed with myself. So so disappointed that I think I have had enough. I'm gonna stop thinking. Stop trying. And stop talking. Call me evading. Call me a loser. I'm just too disappointed with myself. Too ashamed of myself.
I'm just gonna stop thinking about it. Stop talking about it. Stop telling myself that I gotta let go. I have took the first step. I'm almost done. Stop thinking about how great things will be if I really can get over all these. Everytime when I tell myself, hey, you've made it! I never fail to slide into the cycle again. Trust me. Never fails. I think I should just stop. Cos if I don't stop, nothing's gonna end.
You know, I don't even know what am I saying. What am I trying to say. But for once, I can't be bothered anymore. I haven disappoint myself so much in life before. I never felt so much like a loser in life before.
You know, I should just stop explaining.


I don't wanna talk about it.
How you broke my heart.