Now I realize, it's always year end that breaks my heart. Cos it's always now that I think about how I have lived this whole year. And always now that I realize I'm still in this same piece of shit that have followed me for so long. That I still couldn't let go of this person. That I still have to suffer in tears. That I still have to hate myself or being who I am now. How much heart break can one take? I always thought I couldn't bear another one anymore. But yet, I took them up again and again. Again and again each year, each occasion I think of him. I just keep hurting myself repeatedly and now I realize, none of this is going to stop. Because two years and a half aren't enough to break my heart to pieces-break into so much pieces that can never be put back,and it will never get the chance to shatter again. I'm just so sick of explaining. So sick of repeating this whole shit cycle again and again. So sick of explaining to myself it's okay. I'm cool. And here I am, breaking my heart again.