I know. Even if I can't let go of this, even if I can't forget this past, life still goes on. I still go through every day. I still go through days when i thought i have gotten over, and days when i wanted to just cry till i could sleep. You know. I have tried really hard to get over this relationship. I have avoided every single piece of information about him. I have tried not to think about him, think about our past. I have tried to delete every single message from him. I have put away every single gift he gave me before. I have avoided every single gathering with him. And then, I have tried to SMS him like how I would text a normal friend. I have tried to dine with him like what I always do to catch up with a friend. I have tried to see him as a friend, nothing more than a friend. You know, I have tried every single thing I could- from one extreme end to the other. I always thought I can't get over him no matter how long has past. But I did one day, and told myself firmly that this is it. Everything is really coming to an end. I always thought I have let go of this. But suddenly, everything came crashing down again. I feel so darn sad over this person, over this relationship all over again. You know, sometimes I think breaking up aren't a sad thing. Cos every one else is breaking up. The saddest thing is not being able to get over it. And the worst thing is to think that he too, hadn't get over all this. You know how hurtful that is? Just because I think that he also has not got over this relationship, I tell myself to wait. And on the other hand, I know he has long gotten over it. He has long moved on. Everything's just so contradicting. And can you believe it? Im living through this hell everyday. I'm living through all this now, feeling more disappointed than sad. Disappointed at my inability to live my everyday in the absence of his shadow. Having said so much, I'm still kinda sure, that nothing has changed. I'm still this me. I'm no longer expecting something out of this 2011. I'm only looking for a peaceful 20th. Nothing too high, nothing too drastic. Just a peaceful one. I know I could well be too young to talk about this. But I really hope the next man I meet will be the one I'm going to marry. I can't bear to play along. I can't bear to try out a relationship. I can't bear to fall out of love again. And couldn't quite imagine going all these heartbreaks again. So maybe i can make a wish this birthday. Anw, Happy Birthday to me in advance.