It feels like we are both trying to treat each other as just friends. When we know deep down that we are not just friends. It's something more. That's something both of us didn't want to admit, I realized. Maybe we are too afraid to change this current relationship of ours. Of course, it's ideal to keep this whole situation as it is and try not to touch it. Because the moment somebody triggered anything, everything will change. But I don't see any good for us to pro long this either. Cos I'm sure, I will be the one feeling the hurt at the very end. Cos by then I would have fallen for him, I would have been too dependent on his care and concern, that suddenly, I can't do without them. And while I can't do without him, It just gonna be easy for him. He'll move on from where we are at, to the next someone. And I will once again wallow in this whole cycle of heartbreaks again. I'm not trying to say because of my last experience, I dare not love again. In fact, I know that I need to love all over again to allow that past one to stay in the past and not haunt me anymore in the future. But how? How should I love? How should I love that someone? I suddenly seemed to have lost the ability to love. Or maybe I'm right, he's just not the right one. Hence the so many uncertainties.

I'm tired now. Tired of making love the centre of my life. It's just so difficult. Just so difficult, right?
Maybe I shouldn't have had indulged in this from the start. Cos we weren't meant to be.