It was the worst night of my life. I couldn't believe how bad it had turned out. We all cried. Cried so hard at gong's bedside. Because we see how much he was suffering. He couldn't stop whining. And wai po snapped. She can't hold it and burst out in tears. Everyone started crying. It was horrible. I guess it drains the heart and mind of a caregiver. and here's when wai po couldn't hold it anymore and had to release her pent up emotions. I go over and hugged wai po tight in my arms. That was the first time in my life I hugged her. She trembled in tears and held my hand tight. It literally tore me apart. I held her so tight and my tears started to flow. I tried my best to hold them back. I held them back so tightly. I couldn't. Gong's back into the hospital now. He has to. There are better care personals there who can provide him with the medical support he needs. You know, for once, I wished I could let him go. We could just let him go. Cos it's way too painful to see someone suffering through a life worst than death. Not one night can be worst than this. Not one. If we haven came back and called the ambulance over, I think we would have lost him.lost him that night. The next 3 days are critical. If he can go through, things will turn better. If not, we have to prepare for the worst.this morning I went into the ward alone and stood by gong's bedside. I started crying. I can't control. I held his hands up and he opened his eyes to look at me.I turned over and wiped my tears away.I grabbed his hands and couldn't believe I told him this, silently in my heart, that gong, if you have to go, please go. And please go with a peaceful heart n worry about nothing. You don't deserve to go through all these and I don't want you to go through all these. I don't know how much courage I summoned to say and feel those words. If god does exist and does hear my prayers, please god, relieve my gong of all his sufferings. I don't want him to suffer anymore.