Read those past entries again. Haha. This is so embarrassing but I realized I really like to read my past entries. It felt like I'm reading a book. A novel. And i sorta loved the way I blog. Haha, alright, that's besides the point. The thing I wanna talk about is, I realized I really had so many so many entries about the ex. So many of them. Way too much-that's what I really feel.
Actually you know, I'm scared. I'm really scared. That I could seemingly get over the ex is largely due to the emergence of that new him. Which means, if I were to lose that new him one day, I'll be back to that old me, wallowing in all the shits again; and this time round, with an additional portion of soreness. I'm really scared you know. I really, badly wanted to get over the past not on the account of anyone else but myself.
And coming to my next point, I think I'm really losing it. I'm losing myself to that new him. I think I'm in love with him. I think I'm landing myself in deep shit. I'm at a loss for words now. I know I shouldn't have let myself do that. I shouldn't have lost control of myself. I know I shouldn't have indulged in this in the very first place.
According to what I have learnt from psychology: "Self-control/thought suppression,whereby we try to push thoughts out of our minds doesn't work very well. The more we try not to think, the more those very thoughts keep coming to mind. We should go ahead and think about the forbidden topic while trying to exert will power when it comes to acting on those thoughts. "
What the hell.
Just by looking how many of my entries for these few months have been dedicated to talk about me and that new him, you know I haven been doing very well in exerting my will power.
I hope I wouldn't do it to myself again. I hope I wouldn't have to take another 2.5 years again. I hope I wouldn't do myself so much injustice ever again.