It's been some time since insomnia caught up with me again. tonight. it came. unknowingly. with no warnings. with no permission either.

i hate to be busy. because i realised everytime when i get busy with life, i tend to, for some reason, stop being so at some random moments, and start to ponder about everything. about what are all these about. what am i scurrying forward for. and everything that seemed right, good, and logical turns topsy turvy and i start doubting my intentions and directions. and i feel lousy about myself. i do this. all the time. time after time.

It still hurts. It still hurts to attend funerals. The heart still feels that tinge of. Of what. I can't explain.
As she described to me the episode.I felt that burning sensation in my eyes. burning sensation that stings. sensation that creepily caused the heart to skip a beat.

why am i plagued with so much overdued emotions. emotions that were long expired, emotions that should have long lost it's effects. i wanted to bury myself right now. to be just left alone at some place, for some time. talk to no one. meet no one. to cool everything off.

get on with life. just get on, seriously.