it's a consensus between the 2 of us that we want to keep things slow. and not rush through. cos we arent in any hurry to get attached nor be of a particular status. and yes, everything was okay, we're cool, life's good like this. but i guess problems are still problems and they requires attention and solutions. it's not as if leaving them unattended will make them go away on their own. he brought up the issue. about how long we can last like this. yes, we're happy now. but how should we keep this going. he says he's afraid of wasting my time. he says though i claim that i dont mind going slow now, i might be as time goes by and perhaps by then i wouldnt dare to be frank with him that i mind because of this obligation i have made at this point in time. he says because we're not of any particular status, so if it happens that there are potential candidates out there for me/him, it's ridiculous to say that yes, i'm single but unavailable. he says because we have not gone official, it's stupid that we have to act like normal friends infront of our mutual friends so that no one feels awkward. he says he very much wanted to speed things up and progress on. but i told him that's not what he wanted, nor what i wanted. he says he dont want to say no without trying but he's just too afraid and scared and he needs time to remove that fear that was inflicted on him by his broken relationships. he says i used to think we're too young to get into a relationship but i didnt had the chance to tell him that i liked him so much that im willing to take the plunge.

it was a night that ended with no conclusions, no directions for the both of us. can we pluck up enough courage to move forward? for im pretty sure there's no more turning back. or im thinking. are we going to stop talking to each other; until the feelings fade, until we stop liking each other?

sometimes i wished everything could have been simpler. why do we need to consider so much? perhaps, we think so much because we value this thing/this person alot. thats why we are afraid of making any wrong decisions; afraid of making decisions that might hurt this someone we loved dearly and am too afraid of losing.

“两个不勇敢的人，怎么爱？”

i had my shares of uncertainties too. but as i grew to love you more and more, alot of issues that were once bothering me no longer does now. and if loving me can't give you enough courage to overcome that fear/uncertainty in you, maybe im not worthy enough for you.

On a side note, I had a hell lots of fun working at PC Fair with turbo for the past few days. I'm really glad she's around for me during this period of shit. Thank you, turbo! I really appreciate every word, every sentence of your advice. :)