"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

it has come to a point/day when people start reflecting again.

2011 had, as a matter of fact, been a good year. as cliche as it may sound, every year has it's good and bad, it's ups and downs.

reflecting every year end has become a habit. a habit that can be painful at times; can be painful at that very moment of reflecting but it does, magically turn out to be comforting at the end of the next year. cos i start to realise that i have grown. i have grown out of it. grown out of those things that used to bother me so much. moved away from those people whom were once so unforgettable. and moved on from those overdued emotions.

as i flipped though my planner...

the year 2011, started off with me, picking up driving again. getting over the old him completely and properly; feeling good being single after being haunted for so long. getting back in touch with that new him again after his break up after a fateful gettogether session. a lonely birthday all to myself this year and some simple dinners with friends. a bad brush with injuries(and almost death) of a loved one that almost tore everyone in the family apart. a year of improved relationships with my cousins which i couldn't imagine at all. my first overseas trip with friends(even though it was only to malaysia). falling in love and falling out of love. being involved with the school's FOC. going for a 5km Great Eastern and 10km New Balance marathon with jj. finally getting my driving lesson on my 3rd try. entering the main committee for WSC_Curl. going to the F1 race for the first time(and probably the only time) in my life. spent hell lots of time and instances with my dear turbo. studying like dog for the exams. made new friends, caught up with old friends. seeing people come and go, some others stayed close. lived, laughed, loved. fell apart, cried, hated. held on, let go;moved on.

i have to admit, and i have to acknowledge that the year's emotions were largely and almost entirely associated with the appearance of that new him. whether the happy or the unhappy. accept it as a matter of fact, that my planner was filled with just so much of those memories with him. at least so for the first half of the year.

that day i was talking to turbo. and i realise im so glad. so glad that i am now able to recall everything about me and him, feeling happy and warm. happy for all the happy times we shared. and for all the good he has done to me. and for all the unconditional love i once received from him. i didn't revive any of the bad days we once had, or even that worst night of our shortlived happiness- that night when he walked away from me.

he was. almost, too good to be true. he gave me love and happiness that i never thought existed in this world. his parents gave me/us so much support for the relationship that i never thought being together with someone could have meant having another set of loving parents doting me.

funny how i have changed, isn't it? how i have replaced hate with forgiveness. how i have replaced sour with sweet reminiscence.


it was just a few days ago when bits and pieces of snapshots formed up together to show me a complete picture that i never thought i would be able to see in such depth, in such detail.

it was almost a revelation.

it hadn't been clearer for the reason for his decision to move away from me even after all that we have went through. i heaved such a big sigh of relieve. relieved that everything has finally come to an end and it has ended in such a way, and it has indeed ended well

of course, love and him aside, comes the family.

i have never felt so dissappointed before. never. it caught me so unaware and whatever atonement,explanation and justification that comes after that was just redundant. the hurt has been inflicted. the pain has been felt. i can't help it but feel so dissappointed. dissapointed with some people, and the amount of help that they are actually willing to render at times like this. i mean i don't blame them. in fact, i am in no position to blame them or blame anyone. as a matter of fact, no one has the obligations to help, even though we were supposed to be a family. who am i to judge? but still, i hated all these.

i'm still young. i render myself still young to be caught in such turmoil amongst the adults and i really hate to be caught in all these mess. maybe that's just an excuse. an excuse to evade the problem and to stop pondering about the whole issue. cos it made me felt so hurt. it really, for the hell of it all, made me felt so bad, so bad.

new year's eve this year was special. i spent it outside, along with the crowd all over singapore. i waited patiently for the fireworks. and when the clock strike 12, the firework lit up the skies over at the marina bay area. it was awfully beautiful. physically, i wasn't that all hyped-up like the rest of the cheering crowd. but deep inside, i felt a mad rush of emotions, as i watched with watery eyes, the sparkles shinning over the beautiful skyline. and i quietly wished for a good year ahead.

i will miss 2011.

that was the very feeling i felt when it strike 12. and it was such a immense sentiment. yes, for the hell of it all, i will miss 2011. miss 2011 for it's good, as well as it's bad. miss the laughter i had, as well as the tears. miss the people who had come by and gone. miss the emotions i have felt now and then. i think i miss it because im such a overly-nostalgic person! but well, 2011 has treated me well. i think i shouldn't discredit it so much but instead, do some justice to it. whatever the case, as i(we all) usher in the brand new year, let's just hope for nothing but the best.

like last year, i will pray for a peaceful 2012. nothing too elaborate, nothing too fanciful. just a simple, peaceful 2012 will be what i'm asking for.

have a blessed 2012, world.