It's been so long since I last updated this space. which shows how long since I last sat down like this to reflect about life and think about all those that I have went through.

Not mentioning how much i have went through these past few months; going through new experiences, meeting new people, feeling new emotions and everything. Here i am. on the verge of embarking on something even more NEW.  and i would say, something never before; that is to leave home for such a long period of time.

For the hell of it all, I am starting to feel the edgy-ness. Starting to feel that bit of reluctant in me to leave home. frankly speaking, it's not just a bit. the feeling came in rather strong within these few days. for a couple of time, i have to stop thinking about it and just cry. cry to release such huge amount of fear in me.

4 months is just a very short period of time. but yet 4 months can change a lot of things. it can change one's heart for god-knows-how. it could be absence making the heart grow fonder. or it could be out of sight;out of mind. but nonetheless, these two kinds of feelings aren't what i am looking forward to, at all. im just reluctant. to leave my family, my friends, and even more so my new found friends behind. it's just this feeling of losing everyone that sends the chill straight into my heart. of course i know people gonna say that if they are meant to be, they will stay close to the heart, no matter how far the distance, geographically and physically. but how trustworthy is that i really can't gauge, neither do i have the confidence to believe in it. even the idea about leaving my family behind gives me the creepy feelings about being less close with them from then on. for once, i felt so crippled with fear. it sucks to be me i would say.

There are just so much to look forward to for the last quarter of the year but at this very moment in time, i feel no excitement, no anticipation. all's overpowered by the edgy palpitations of the uneasy heart. this shouldn't be the way.

I hope i can overcome this fear in me and this unease.
Take relationships with a pinch of salt is something i have to learn and it's time to learn right now, right at this moment.

It's time to grow up and learn it through the hard way.